I thank God that I had parents that made me work. At 16, I had to get a job to pay for my own gas, my own car insurance, and save up to pay for most of my own used car. I had to do laundry, dishes, vacuum, cook every once in a while, take out the recycling every week, etc. I used to complain, sure, but I did it. And now I am glad my parents made me do it because now I can say that I am an adult and I don't need to rely on anyone else to succeed in life. My parents taught me to have drive and determination, something I know I will instill in my children in the future (no kids for a while though). My parents taught me that success is rewarded and failure has consequences. Now I don't need them to call me up and say, have you been trying to do anything with the career you've chosen to move to NYC to pursue, because they know that I am pursuing it with all my might. They know I am out there pounding the pavement, going on castings, and doing what I need to do.
On the other hand, is the parent who never pushed their child to do anything they didn't want to do. The average C student who's parent settled for, "if that's the best you can do honey, then great," instead of, "I know that's not the best you can do." The parent who'd rather be a friend to their child than an authoritative figure. Guess what, Moms and Dads? We don't need any more friends growing up. We have plenty of friends at school. While we are growing up, we need parents, to teach us how to be successful adults in the future. We need you to put your foot down and say, "No. You cannot go out with that loser guy. He is no good and is only going to hurt you." We need you to say, "Finish your paper first and then you can go on facebook." We need you to make us take out the trash and do our own laundry. We need you to slowly but surely, let go. Let go. I can't imagine how hard it is to let your child go and be an adult but you have to do it, or else you are severely crippling them.
How will your child ever learn to push themselves if throughout his or her entire life, you've never pushed them?
This is my case in point.
Parent eases child's pain by feeding them lots of candy and sweets to avoid dealing with the bigger problem. Parent never forces the child to do or not do anything he or she does or does not want to do for fear of conflict or for fear that the child will do it anyway if it is forbidden. Parents do all of the household chores to ease the child's stress and to allow them to focus on school and social development. Parent also does work for the child as they grow to avoid feeling unneeded. Parent continues these same things into the child's adulthood.
Here is the outcome.
Young adult feels an insatiable void. Young adult makes poor choices and has an excuse for every one. Young adult does not know how to make proper decisions. Young adult struggles with becoming an adult and feels the need for a parental figure to guide them. Young adult lacks motivation and struggles to properly complete household chores. Young adult needs to be constantly pushed to complete anything. Young adult lacks common sense. Young adult continues to allow parent to step in to complete the tasks they do not want or do not know how to do.
Then.
Adult finds themselves in troubling relationships and can never seem to have a healthy one. Struggles to survive paycheck to paycheck. May move back in with parent for lengthy periods of time. Adult settles for partners that treat them badly and lives in an uncleanly environment. Adult doesn't take the initiative to further any sort of career, ending up in minimum wage jobs for years to come. Adult lacks motivation to eat healthy, to exercise, to take proper care of one's body. Adult loses friends over the lack of motivation and lack of responsibility. Adult blames others for everything. Adult cannot make wise decisions and ends up confused.
Sooooo, to avoid all of this. Teach your children from a young age, how to cook, clean, do chores, laundry, vacuum, how to scrub the toilet and the floors, how to wash a dish by hand, how to sew, how to repair anything, how to study, how to get good grades, how to fit multiple activities into one day, how to relax, how to make good decisions, how to avoid people that will only bring you down, how to work, how to make a living, how to earn money and save money not to spend it all, how to succeed, how to try and fail and try again, how to face rejection, how to move on, move forward, move up, how to live. Teach your children how to live, before they become helpless adults in a world that eats up the helpless and throws them onto the streets.
To those who've had parents who didn't do their job. You cannot blame them anymore. You have to take responsibility for your actions, and change them. You are the only one in charge of you now. You have to force yourself to get up and do what needs to get done everyday. You are in charge of your destiny and you can only blame yourself if you do not succeed from here on out. There are plenty of tools at your disposal. If you don't know how to do something, learn it. If you don't know how to deal with a situation, seek advice, and deal with the situation.
Or don't. Or fail. Or end up where nobody wants to be; in a dead end job, or jobless, with no skills, with debt up to you earlobes, and no way out.
I hope you can all take this as inspiration to improve your life. It is not meant to tear anyone down and make you feel worse about the way you've raised your children or to make you feel bad for the way you are living your life now as a young adult. This is to tell you that you have an opportunity to change. It is never to late to change the game. Now is the time to shape up, both parents, and children alike. Now is the time to push forward and help each other succeed. Don't be a crutch for one another, but help each other to be independent and successful. Encourage one another, and set the bar high for yourselves. Set goals, and achieve them. Good Luck!
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment